Original Air Dates: 1969 - 1971 (CBS) 1971 - 1992 (Syndicated)

THEME

Donkey: Hee-haw, hee-haw, etc.

Singing: Hee-hee, hee-haw-haw, hee-hee, hee-haw-haw (etc, while the announcer announces:)

Announcer: Welcome to Heeeeee-Hawwwww! With special guests (insert Country music greats here)

                     And starring Buck Owens and Roy Clark.

Roy Clark: And the whole Hee-Haw Gang!

Announcer: Junior Samples, Minnie Pearl, George "Goober" Lindsey, etc . . .

Buck Owens: Time for singing and time for jokes,

Roy Clark: Gather 'round and join us folks.

All: Right Now!

WHERE ARE YOU TONIGHT?

Where, oh where, are you tonight?

Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over and I thought I'd found true love.

But you met another and PTHHP! you was gone.

You took out your false teeth, your wig and your glasses.

You were just scattered all over the place.

I wanted to kiss you and hug you so tightly.

I guess that I would have if I'd found your face.

I went to your house at three in the morning.

You had all them curlers and junk in your hair.

You would not have scared me and I'd not have run so,

If you had not looked like you'd wrestled a bear.

I told you, my darlin', you looked like a gopher.

Made you so mad, you haven't spoke since.

But tell me my darling if you ain't got buck teeth.

How do you eat apples through a picket fence?

When I picked you up for our date last weekend.

You looked so pretty in your satin and lace.

But when I bent over and started to kiss you,

you popped a pimple all over my face!