OPENING THEME

They say I might as well face the truth
That I am just too long in the tooth.
So I'm an O.A.P. and weak-kneed
But I have not yet quite gone to seed.
I may be over the hill now that I have retired
Fading away but I've not yet expired.
Clapped out, run down, too old to save
One foot in the grave.

CLOSING THEME

They say I might as well face the truth
That I am just too long in the tooth.
I've started to deteriorate
And now I've passed my own sell-by date.

Oh, I am no spring chicken it's true.
I have to pop my teeth in to chew.
And my old knees have started to knock
I've just got too many miles on the clock.

So I'm a wrinkly, crinkly, set in my ways.
It's true that my body has seen better days.
But give me half a chance and I can still misbehave.
One foot in the grave. (3X)